Meant To Do…?

*sidenote: I apologize for being gone for so long. A lot has happened all at once so I am finally starting to find time for myself and to begin writing again.* 

Today's thought is What Are You Meant For? or rather, What Am I Meant For? 

This question has been on my mind quite a lot lately. For years I thought I was supposed to go into music, but after diving head first into a music therapy major, I discovered that as much as I loved music, I just couldn't picture myself being a music therapist, and I certainly didn't have what it takes to be a music performer. At least, not in the way students are trained to be. So I switched schools, and switched majors, and now I'm studying to become a social worker. 

But is that what I'm meant for? 

This question haunts millions of people every day. Even if they're out of school and have been working for 15 years, or are retired and trying to find something new to do. This question doesn't care if you're 5 or 105, it will haunt you nonetheless. It is a relentless question that repeats itself over and over, even after you think you've figured out the answer. 

Which is why I think I've cracked the code. 

So what is the answer to the question, you wonder? 

That's simple. 

There Isn't One. 

That's right. There is no solid answer to the question "What Am I Meant For." A person can live 100 years and never figure it out. Christians say that we are meant to spread God's Word. But, as a Christian, I don't see it that way. Are we here on this Earth to spread God's Word and live in His Light? Sure. But is that what He has planned for us alone? No. So what are we meant for? By what means are we MEANT to spread His Word? We may never know. A person may live 50 years singing music, spreading their message that way, but the question still rings in the back of their minds "Is this what I'm meant to be doing?" 

The way I've figured it out is that we don't have to limit us to one thing that we're MEANT to do. If you love music, but you also love chemistry, then do both! Become a chemist and perform at coffee shoppes on the weekend. If you love children but you also love pottery, then start a children's pottery class! Why should we limit ourselves when we have been gifted with so many incredible talents? 

God has made each of us special and individual. He designed each of us in His image and gifted each of us in a perfect way. He doesn't want us to choose just one path we think we're supposed to go. He wants us to follow Him and to realize that He desires for us to use EVERY SINGLE ONE OF OUR TALENTS. They're there for a reason. 

So What Are You Meant To Do? 

You decide. Follow God's Path. And Be True To Every Single One Of Your Talents. Don't Isolate Just One. 

You Are Blessed. 

Fab Abs

Hey All! 

So, I have decided that it's time for me to get back in shape and use the new year as a beginning for a new me. I am going to start this year with a 30 Day Ab and Squat Challenge, adding to it a slight diet (really just healthier eating) and a bit of cardio to help with toning. I'm really excited to start doing this because, even though I don't have a lot of time to go to the gym, I really want to feel fit, healthy, and comfortable in my own skin. I'm healthy as it is, but I have that pudge that just make me uncomfortable and self conscious. So here is the lay out of my challenge: 

For the Diet: 

- Portioning Foods and limiting what I eat when

- Healthier options: Veggies, fruits, etc over chocolate, what not. 

- Eating what I want, but knowing how much I can have and knowing what I shouldn't have when. 

- Cutting out sugary drinks and beverages, substituting them with water. Water is key. 

The Challenge: 

-Each day I will warm up with a two minute jog and 25 jumping jacks to get my heart going-

Day 1: 20 sit ups. 10 crunches. 20 russian twists. 25 squats. 30 second plank.

Day 2: 25 sit ups. 15 crunches. 30 russian twists. 30 squats. 40 second plank.

Day 3: 30 sit ups. 20 crunches. 40 russian twists. 35 squats. 50 second plank.

Day 4: 35 sit ups. 25 crunches. 50 russian twists. 40 squats. 60 second plank. 

Day 5: 40 sit ups. 30 crunches. 60 russian twists. 45 squats. 60 second plank. 

Day 6: 45 sit ups. 35 crunches. 70 russian twists. 50 squats. 60 second plank. 

Day 7: Rest day. 

Day 8: 40 sit ups. 30 crunches. 60 russian twists. 45 squats. 60 second plank.

Day 9: 45 sit ups. 35 crunches. 70 russian twists. 50 squats. 70 second plank. 

Day 10: 50 sit ups. 40 crunches. 80 russian twists. 55 squats. 80 second plank. 

Day 11: 55 sit ups. 45 crunches. 85 russian twists. 60 squats. 90 second plank. 

Day 12: 60 sit ups. 50 crunches. 90 russian twists. 65 squats. 90 second plank. 

Day 13: 65 sit ups. 55 crunches. 100 russian twists. 70 squats. 90 second plank.

Day 14: Rest day. 

Day 15: 60 sit ups. 50 crunches. 90 russian twists. 65 squats. 90 second plank. 

Day 16: 65 sit ups. 55 crunches. 100 russian twists. 70 squats. 100 second plank. 

Day 17: 70 sit ups. 60 crunches. 100 russian twists. 75 squats. 110 second plank. 

Day 18: 75 sit ups. 65 crunches. 100 russian twists. 80 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 19: 80 sit ups. 70 crunches. 100 russian twists. 85 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 20: 85 sit ups. 75 crunches. 100 russian twists. 90 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 21: Rest Day. 

Day 22: 80 sit ups. 70 crunches. 100 russian twists. 85 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 23: 85 sit ups. 75 crunches. 100 russian twists. 90 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 24: 90 sit ups. 80 crunches. 100 russian twists. 95 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 25: 95 sit ups. 85 crunches. 100 russian twists. 100 squats. 120 second plank.

Day 26: 100 sit ups. 90 crunches. 100 russian twists. 100 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 27: 100 sit ups. 95 crunches. 100 russian twists. 100 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 28: Rest Day. 

Day 29: 100 sit ups. 95 crunches. 100 russian twists. 100 squats. 120 second plank. 

Day 30: 100 sit ups. 100 crunches. 100 russian twists. 100 squats. 120 second plank. 

These are before pictures before toning and eating healthier. like I said. It isn't a huge amount, but enough that I'd like to tone and feel better about myself, personally.

I will post end result pictures at the end of thirty days, and keep you posted with how it is going as the challenge goes on. If you try this challenge, let me know how it goes for you!! :) 

Parting is such sweet sorrow... Or just sorrow.

He hugs me goodnight, tears in our eyes, and turns to shut the door. He watches me through the glass window as it slowly closes between us, grabbing the handle, swinging it open, and pulling me into an embrace... 

I've never seen him so beat up. I've never felt so broken. Who knew saying goodbye for two and a half months while I go away to school would hurt so much. It isn't easy saying goodbye to someone who's changed your whole world and opened your eyes to so much more... Who's given you so much and who lifts you up every time you fall.

I'm going to miss him like crazy. I'm going to miss my friends... my family... my life back home. But what I worry about is the friends back home who seem to be slipping away. Especially the ones who used to be best friends, sisters, and who now only seem to care when it's convenient for them... which is why I spend all my spare time with my boyfriend and his family... because I can never seem to find a time that works for both the others and myself...

It really hurts going back, this time. I'm actually scared about what may come about from it. There's a lot that isn't in place where it needs to be, a lot that doesn't seem right that worries me... But all I can do is push forward and trust God that He has His plan for me and that I'm fulfilling it.

Walk by Faith... that's all I can do. I just have to trust... pray... love... take it a step at a time.

And maybe while I'm walking the path, I'll be able to bring my old friends back with me... Because I really do miss them...

Toodles, my darlings.

For another pity party, tune in next time... :/ haha. Can you tell I only write when I'm angsty, stressed, or upset? Oopsy. haha. I really am a happy person, though. Just look at how few posts I have. Woohoo! Maybe that's a good thing? Ah well... At least I made myself laugh a little before going and crying myself to sleep... Pray for me? <3 God's Grace be with you all, my doves. God Bless.

Pains of College Life

Everybody knows the typical pains... Student Loans, Registration for Classes, Finals, Peer Pressure, Money, Gross School Food, The Lack of Energy... And then there are the people like me, who's life is run like a soap opera and there's no off button to turn on something else. Don't get me wrong. God Blesses my life every day, but sometimes, I wish it wasn't so hard to hold onto my faith in him.

It's been 19 days... 19 days of feeling crampy and achy and nauseous. 19 days of wishing I was home and in an environment I've lived with my whole life. 19 days of prayers for health, understanding, clarity. 19 days of worrying my boyfriend, my family, even his family over what could possibly be wrong. 19 days of not being near a doctor or pharmacy to get medication to try and help. 19 days... The past two days have gotten so bad that I've been bed ridden... Missing classes, unable to walk around easily without wanting to hunch over from the pain in my back or just lay on the ground from exhaustion.

6 days... I keep telling myself that... 6 days until I'm home and I can go to the doctor... 6 days to suck it up and force myself to get through everything I need to do... 6 days until I can hold the ones I care about and just cry and let it all out.

And as if physical exhaustion wasn't enough, not having an idea of what's wrong with me, then I get into an argument with my boyfriend last night. My strong, caring, intelligent, wonderful boyfriend of 6 months... who tells me, TELLS, doesn't ask, but tells me that he's going to tell the dream I had to his aunt so she can analyze it or decode it or whatever. He knows I hate that. So, rather than arguing, I told him to tell her. Told him I didn't care and that if he wanted clarity, to just tell her. To which I get "Why don't you care, you used to hate it if I mentioned I wanted to send one to my aunt." Now... Let's think about that one logically. I used to hate it, I STILL hate it, so it's a good idea to tell me you're going to send this one to her? And that's where the argument really began. His wanting me to care, and my being too tired to argue... and yet turning into an argument nonetheless. And then he asks "You're upset with me for it?" ... Noooo ... I'm so happy that you want to tell my personal dream that I told you out of confidence to your aunt so you can get clarity and understand it. Thank you so much for respecting my feelings towards it. Thankfully I bit my tongue and didn't say that, though what I did say wasn't the best. I told him that it was past midnight and he needed to go to bed... (Which is another issue in and of itself... Ya know... sick girlfriend in bed all day in pain and it's a good idea to text her arguing until midnight??)

This is where we hit the peak of the night... I receive this text:

"Bri please! Don't leave me like this... I feel all torn up inside. All I want...... I can't do this any more..... Brianna, I'm afraid.... Ok these dreams have me worried...... I've been feeling like I'm falling away from the path of your life, like in a way either you or I have been slowly walking away from the other..... I don't know why, it's just a feeling...... But I'm afraid of that happening...... I'm afraid of loosing you...... Of possibly hurting you...... Maybe I need to stop worrying so much, maybe there's some stuff I need to relax with, more I have to trust God with, but I am afraid. I want to be a man who is secure. A man that is strong for you, but if I can't be that then I don't want to waste your time and emotions in a relationship that neither of us is ready for....... I'm not saying that we're not, but I wanted to let you know how I am feeling."

I had no words. I didn't know whether to be angry that he was thinking that, sad that he felt that way, glad that he cared enough and trusted me enough to tell me, crying, smiling, burning... and the first three words that came to my mind were "I love you."

But, of course, I didn't write that... And maybe I should have... Because the more I think about it, the more I realize that it's true. But telling him for the first time over text...after an argument... what good would it do? ... 6 days. 6 days until I can finally tell him. 6 days until I can see his face. 6 days until I can squash any doubt in his mind. 6 days....

What is this feeling- So sudden and new?

It's 1:20 in the morning, and instead of sleeping like a normal human being, I'm up blogging because strange pains and melancholy feelings of missing home are keeping me awake. Not that anybody needs to know my personal life, but for the past two weeks I keep getting cramps and aches in my back, sides, and abdomen. Today they moved from my abdomen to my chest, but remain throughout my back. I originally gave it to be my monthly gift from Mother Nature, but I've got it, and I have it, still... it came late and I'm just... ACK I'm getting sicker and sicker and more and more tired and all I want to be is home... in my boyfriend's arms, curled up on the couch in the basement with a movie in... Or on the couch upstairs laughing with my mother... It's just one of those times where I miss home a lot, and I'm scared and over stressed.

I feel like this is starting out as an angst blog, where all I do is complain and blab on and on about my problems. I'm sure once I finally sleep and wake up in the morning, I'll have something more positive to say.

Until then, keep on keeping on, Chickadees.

God Loves you!!!

XOXOXO

3...2...1... Go.

It only takes her name to set me off... The one name to make my head spin and cause me to wonder if he's falling for it or not... The one name that forces me to test every ounce of trust I have in him. And when he says it, all I want to do is scream...

It hasn't changed. In six months of he and I being together, it hasn't changed. Her looks, her disapproval, her comments, and her talking about us behind our backs. "She's my best friend." he says. "We've known each other for a long time. But I don't want her to hurt you. I don't know what she'll do." But how much does "friendship" mean to her, when she keeps being a complete and utter witch to me? When she hurts him with her comments? 

Here I thought I'd finally get through a day without stress. Finally be able to relax, and then I hear "The old gang is getting back together tonight for a movie and games." 

Sure, I think, that sounds like it'll be good for him. The old gang... 

And then I get "It was (her name)'s idea." 

OH... Of course it was HER idea... Take advantage of my being away  and my best friend being busy to convince our boyfriends to spend a night with "the old gang." The two of us can't even hang out with "the old gang" without getting looks, whispers behind our backs, and our boyfriends telling us about the disapproval.

Well, that's it. I'm done. This. Means. War. Don't think I'm leaving him just because you talk shit. 

3...2...1... Go.